You won’t remember

Artwork: Charlotte Peach

You won’t remember the way I stood in the bathroom late that night in labor with you, fearfully and excitedly gazing up at the moon, knowing I was going to bring you into the world soon and whispering to you “We can do this.”

You won’t remember the way you looked at me right after you were born, or the way I pulled you up next to my heart and marveled “Hi, baby” in your ear.

You won’t remember the way you healed my broken spirit. The way you completed my heart. I was weak before I had you, and you made me whole again.

You won’t remember the way I proudly watched you everywhere we went, you were always the most beautiful boy in the room to me.

You won’t remember the way you made me laugh with all of the silly things you did, I saw how kind your heart was.

You won’t remember the way I would brush the hair off your forehead and the way you’d look up at me. Without any words, our souls could touch and say everything to each other that words couldn’t.

You won’t remember the tickle fests we had, and how I always cheated so I could hold you close and cover your salty little face in kisses.

You won’t remember all the times I went to bed at night and felt such fear being your mother; Am I doing okay? Have I messed up too many times already? Can I be the kind of mother he needs?

You won’t remember the way my heart broke and grew a little bigger each time you passed a milestone; watching the sand fall through the hourglass while feeling overjoyed witnessing you expand and grow.

You won’t remember the way I would hold your little feet in my hands, imagining how much bigger than my own feet they will one day grow, and how I will have to let you go.

You won’t remember, but I will. And I’ll hold these memories in my heart for the both of us.

Photo: Jessica Dimas@jessicadimasblog

This letter first appeared in The Huffington Post and on Jessica Dimas’ blog Pig and Dac You can also follow them though their Facebook page.

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My Promise To You

Photo: @staceyleighuk

As part of National Autism Awareness Week I wanted to share another inspiring letter from Stacey Leigh whose son Jacob was diagnosed with Autism last year.

You can follow their story through Stacey’s Blog as well as her YouTube channel.

 

 

My Letter And Promise To You My Precious Son

I sit here while you nap glaring over at your beautiful little face and perfect lips, where has the time gone? I can’t believe you will be three in less than two months.  I shed a tear with happiness thinking about the joy you have brought into our lives.

In Sept 2016 you was officially diagnosed with Autism. We heard those words that we fought for but they were also the words that broke my heart. We knew from October 2015 you had Autism, it just wasn’t confirmed as we had to fight for you. I still remember welcoming you into the world, your beautiful big brown eyes, your jet black hair (you had so much hair) and your beautiful tiny fingers and toes. We noticed quirky behaviour when you was 9 month’s and then again when you was 13 months. We had to fight for professionals to see what we saw.

Autism is a part of you Jacob, it always has been. You are a part of us and we will get through this together. Nothing has changed apart from now we can seek and provide the tools to help you thrive and learn more.

I am so happy and grateful that I was able to notice the red flags early, so we can get you the support from so early on.

Your big sister has been amazing, the love she has for you is breathtaking, you have one hell of a sister. She loves you so much! For Reika your diagnosis is nothing, she said ‘Mum he is who he is, he’s always been Jacob’

This diagnosis doesn’t define you! You are still Jacob the sweetest, loving, and happiest boy in the world. You are such a joy to be around.

Daddy and I will make sure we do everything in our power to help you grow, learn and be the best version on yourself.

I never thought of myself as a parent with a child of special needs, but here we are, here I am, a parent with a child with Autism. I am in love with you! You inspire me to be the best mum I can be.

As your mummy I promise to:

Always Listen to you – You are currently non-verbal but it doesn’t mean you don’t communicate and have feelings. I will always pay attention to what you are trying to tell me. It’s crazy but I just know what you want and need.

Love you for who you are – I loved you even before you were born. I promise to love you and look past any Autism label. I love the way you spin and don’t get dizzy, or flap your arms when you are excited.

Smile when I see you – Even with all the sleepless night’s, I will continue to smile each time I see your face and get excited and give you a big kiss and cuddle and say ‘goodie morning!’

Explore – As much as I want to keep you close at all times, I know that you’re your own person and in order to grow and to gain social/motor skills you need to explore even when it scares me I will encourage you, but I will be right by your side.

Keep you safe  – There are some mean people in this world and it scares me so much that someone could or would want to hurt you. I will always keep you safe.

Unconditional Love – I will love you no matter what you become, say or do. My love for you is unconditional.

I promise to do my best – I’m not perfect and mummy will make mistakes and get upset sometimes with the lack of sleep, or tiredness from looking and caring for all your needs and may even raise my voice but I am only human and will continue to be the best mum I can be.

Help you follow your dreams – I promise to never guide you to a career we feel is better for you or shatter your dreams. I will never limit you to what the doctors have limited you to, yes you have Autism but the world is yours and I will help you do whatever you want in life. I will encourage your dreams and help you explore your passions, and to always believe in you.

Thank you so for blessing our family and showing us a new way of life. Thank you for opening our eyes and showing us the real beauty of life. You have changed us as people and I will be forever grateful.

I will continue to raise awareness for Autism through my blog, YouTube and social media until everyone understands.

I thank God for blessing us with you

Mummy xo

You can follow Stacey on TwitterInstagram and YouTube.

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Her first best friend.

A letter to my firstborn
To my Precious Prince,

11 years ago you came into our lives and changed them forever. Daddy and I were scared, at 20 years old we were so young and didn’t really have a clue how to raise a child. We were busy being children ourselves. But from the second I saw that little bouncing bean on the ultrasound I was in love and just knew everything would turn out ok. December 5th 2005 at 9.07pm you arrived, 9lb 2oz – a big pink chunk with a mop of dark hair. You had poorly lungs and we knew you’d eventually need surgery to fix them but for now you’d made it, screaming and wriggling ready to take on the world. As you grew up, I grew with you. I was learning as I went along, sometimes I made mistakes but you never judged and you always made things better without even trying. Daddy and I worked hard to give you everything you needed and more, we were so lucky to have our family around. They supported us in every meaning of the word. Mummy went back to work when you were still so young, younger than your sister is now. Your wonderful nursery nurtured you and taught you things as you grew. You even took your first steps there. Mummy felt sad that she had missed this but knew there were so many more precious moments to come. Of course you’d never be cross or upset with mummy for going to work but some days it was a personal battle with my own guilt. You started school and with that came a whole new set of challenges for both of us. Mummy felt different from the other mums, sometimes I felt jealous of them. They seemed to have it all worked out, they had mortgages and professional jobs with husbands. I remember one day you said to me how lucky you were to have a young mum because I would definately  win the mummies race at sports day. And there it was, your innocence and pure undiluted love without judgement was all I needed to shake any feelings of doubt I had, because when all was said and done you were all that mattered (and yep, I won that race).

I want you to know that just because Daddy and I aren’t married it doesn’t mean we love each other any less, you know that even marriage doesn’t always mean forever as you’ve seen some  of your friends with parents who separate or divorce. You being born made us even stronger, we knew that whatever obstacles we faced we’d face them together. Every decision we made was made with you in mind. We were a team and we were going for gold!

Do you remember when we told you you were going to be a big brother? You cried, Mummy cried. I know you didn’t cry because you were sad but it was a big surprise you never expected! Ten years is a long time to be on your own, no brothers or sisters.  If you ever thought that it meant Mummy would love you any less or I’d have less time to do things with you then that’s ok. I had those thoughts too. Sometimes change can be scary but sometimes it shows you something you were missing without even realising. When your sister was born you really came into your own. Any feelings of jealousy that you may have thought you’d have disappeared. It became clear to me that she was the final piece to our puzzle. You are a natural protecter, teacher and of course a professional hugger. The way you scoop her up and kiss her gently makes my heart burst. You suddenly seem so grown up but please remember you will always be my baby boy. When I watch you with your sister I realise how lucky she is to have you in her life. She has no idea exactly how super cool and funny you are yet. Her first best friend.

Honestly my darling boy, you are the most kind hearted and caring boy I’ve ever known. You amaze me every day and everyone will agree you are truly special. You’ve already had to overcome so much, with many challenges testing you over the years but you’ve done it all with courage and positivity that any grown up would be proud of. You are brave and forgiving, bright and hard working. I know it annoys you but I will keep telling you I’m proud of you every night before bed and I will keep listing the reasons as long as you let me. If I can ask you one favour, it’s that you please don’t ever stop calling me Mummy. I know you are 11 now but you’re still my baby and Mum simply won’t cut it!

Thank you for being you, for teaching me how to be a mother. You are the only you, unique and special to me.

Love you to the moon and back, your biggest fan,

Mummy X

Photo: @thesecretlifeofmum

This beautiful letter was written by London mum of two Sadie, for her son. You can also follow her on Instgram @thesecretlifeofmum.

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Today something happened that made me really think about your life.

Image: Louise Thomason

Dear Soren,

Today something happened that made me really think about your life. It wasn’t anything to do with you, or us, this thing; it happened thousands of miles away, on a different country and, by the time you read this, in a different time.

America’s 45th President was sworn in. It seems irrelevant, to our life here in Scotland. And I hope it will be. But the man that now sits as head of the world’s biggest democracy hasn’t so far inspired any good in the world, and I can’t help feeling that, while there might be some good that comes as a response to him and what he stands for, things are going to get worse before they get better.

We had the radio on in the car, you and I; we’d just been to the supermarket and to see your Granny. An ordinary day. Listening to the inauguration ceremony in the car on that mild, perfectly unremarkable January evening made me think about the future. What kind of world you’re going to grow up in; what kind of man you’re going to be.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you. Some of them are probably selfish, some perhaps are unrealistic: I know you’ll have challenges and moments of despair. I know you’ll question yourself, maybe go down a few roads that don’t have happy endings.

I could tell you not to worry about what others think of you, but I know you probably will at some point. Most of us do. I could tell you not to waste your time trying to fit, but I know that belonging and being the same as your friends will, somewhere along the line, be important.

You will meet people that are mean; people that are jealous, or have had bad times themselves and only know how to continue that cycle of misery. You’ll meet people who think that the only way to get ahead is to belittle others, who are narrow minded, not open to change.

My biggest dreams for you are that you follow your own dreams with an open heart and mind. To know that we are stronger for our differences, that we should speak up for those who can’t; that being informed and above all, kind, is what is important in life.

All I really hope and want for you, little man, is that you will never be afraid to forge your own path, and that whatever path you choose, you’ll do your best to help others along the way.

All my love,

Mammy

 

Image: Louise Thomason

Image: Louise Thomason

This letter was written by Louise Thomason for her son Soren. You can read more of Louise’s work on her lifestyle and parenting blog Girl in the North Sea or follow her stunning pictures of life living in Shetland with her family on Instagram.

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You are my masterpieces.

Artwork: Charlotte Peach

” You are my masterpieces. From the day I saw the most precious eyes, I believed in miracles to the core. Such a gift God has given me, exploring in your beautiful worlds every day. I pray as a mother I teach you strength and passion to carry through the struggles in the world. Most battles will always be won on your knees. I pray you find your dreams.”

An excerpt from a letter written by Britney Spears to her sons Jayden and Preston as part of Time Magazine’s Mother’s Day ‘Letters From Mom’ series.

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