The following letter was written by Jessica of The Legacy of Leo. This was the first letter written for her son Leo who heartbreakingly was stillborn. It was written whilst still in hospital with him, in the early hours of one sleepless morning. Jessica read it to him as their goodbye and then again at his funeral.
You are such an incredible little boy. In your 37 weeks and 4 days you have made the world fall in love with you and we couldn’t be prouder parents.
We don’t know why you had to leave us, and we wish you didn’t. But, we thank you for hanging around just long enough for us to be able to meet you, hold you, talk to you and kiss you. You have given your mummies so much hope about the world and we just only wish that we could share our futures with you.
I know though, we are going to still be the best mummies to you. We are going to hold you in our hearts and thoughts and never let you go. There may be times when we have a very sad heart and times when we feel a little stronger, but this will never change how much we love you. We are going to take you to the places we love and show you the places that we know that you would have loved too. We will make memories with you wherever we go, and we will live the rest of our lives for you.
We may even, one day, get to meet your brother or sister. And if we do, and if you are able to help us do this, we will make sure they know all about you and love you in the way little brothers and sisters love their siblings.
You will be so very missed by your grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins especially. I hope that you can feel their love too, and whilst their hearts will slowly mend, there is always going to be a place for you.
I’m so proud of how you have touched the lives of so many already. The people that have helped us say hello, and goodbye, are supported by some fantastic organisations that help families like yours, and we will do everything in our powers to make sure any other family like us gets to create the same memories that we all have of you, Leo.
You are named after two different animals – a Lion and a Phoenix. They are now your animals and they are both strong, powerful, courageous and beautiful, just like you. I really hope you like your name. We will think of you when we play your song, a song that was once just our song and will now forever be yours. We heard it play just before I started looking after you, and a few times after and it symbolises so much for us now – and has led to you having Phoenix in your name. Some may think your mummy is a crazy lady, but I saw a lot of symbols in you – mainly the number five. You came to us on our fifth attempt at finding you, in the fifth month, one of five tiny little bundles of cells. The number five will always remind me of you.
Make sure you stay strong, speak your mind, be polite and help others. For this is all we would have ever wanted of you in the future.
We love you, Leo. The word love just isn’t enough though. We really do need to find a new word to express just how much we love you.
Goodbye, for now, my little boy.