The following letter was written by Laura for her little boy Leo. In her blog Postcards for Findlay, Laura writes about parenthood and surviving the loss of their first son Findlay. Her postcards to Findlay are her way of including him in everything that they do.
One year ago today, we anxiously packed our bags and made our way to the hospital for induction.
We stood for a moment in the hallway, deliberating over whether or not to take the car seat. Did we dare? Was it tempting fate? .
As I sat in the passenger seat, watching Daddy lock up, I looked at the front door and wondered what life would be like when I next saw it. .
I knew I wouldn’t be pregnant by the time I came home; but would you, the baby nestled my belly, be crossing the threshold with us? Or would we leave the labour ward once again with shattered hearts, cradling only a memory box? .
The drive to the hospital, a route we knew only too well after numerous (terrifying) admissions, took an eternity, and I must’ve held my breath the whole way. I could feel you wriggling around, prodding my hand with reassuring kicks, letting me know that you were with us.
We were in touching distance of meeting you, and for the first time I let myself believe that you would see my face too…
‘Hold on little one,’ I whispered, ‘we’re almost there.’